Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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