I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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