You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A+ Viking dick
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
