so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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