Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they're like a gay fantastic four
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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