My nipple is on Facebook.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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