just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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