When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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