I smell stomach acid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize