last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Found the puke drawer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
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Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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