if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize