and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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