need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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