I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This baby is an asshole
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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