He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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