I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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