Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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