what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
how does that bad decision feel?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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