Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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