Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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