Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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