can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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