ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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