i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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