toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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