When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize