When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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