But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize