end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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