I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm really busy with my period
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