I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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