It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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