I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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