47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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