You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize