she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
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I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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