bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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