Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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