I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's the barista slut.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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