even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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