All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize