so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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