is your mom at the bar?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize