You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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