It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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