chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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