We named our party play list daddy issues
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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