Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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