my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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