U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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